Legcussgil is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unselfish crocodile.

Legcussgil created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Legcussgil, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Legcussgil, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Legcussgil's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Legcussgil's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Legcussgil.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

4. Never feed parsnips to aardvarks while wearing green jumpers.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.