Gatjondan is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, blissful hippopotamus.

Gatjondan created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatjondan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gatjondan, she will send minions to preach to you.

Gatjondan's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gatjondan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat turnips.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not listen to music.