Jopdossmig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy narwhal.

Jopdossmig created the world two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopdossmig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jopdossmig, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Jopdossmig's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Jopdossmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Retreat if six mites approach from the south.

4. Do not take Jopdossmig's name in vain.

5. Do not kill birds.