Hotpadjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, vain hydra.

Hotpadjarn created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotpadjarn, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hotpadjarn, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Hotpadjarn's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Hotpadjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tapirs.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

4. Feed all hungry porpoises.

5. Never write about nucleic acids.