Ripkamcit is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, quiet guinea pig.

Ripkamcit created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripkamcit, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ripkamcit, he will boil you in a big pot.

Ripkamcit's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ripkamcit's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mice.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ripkamcit.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never feed lots of apples to dolphins while wearing turquoise skirts.