Xucstipdam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, duplicitous porpoise.

Xucstipdam created water four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucstipdam, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Xucstipdam, he will turn you into a mole.

Xucstipdam's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Xucstipdam's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucstipdam.

3. Put Xucstipdam first in all things.

4. Horses are not to be trusted.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.