Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, all-knowing lizard.

Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab, he will turn you into a mouse.

Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not speak about rice.

3. Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not eat parsnips.

5. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Kikmetstipfutgofyarpcussflab in the centre of the settlement.