Gabquatpomkim is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, caring manatee.

Gabquatpomkim created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabquatpomkim, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gabquatpomkim, she will turn you into a frog.

Gabquatpomkim's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Gabquatpomkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near aardvarks while wearing red shoes and balancing four carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.