Zakyarlwot is a god.

He takes the form of a large, fast newt.

Zakyarlwot created the Cigar Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Zakyarlwot, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zakyarlwot, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Zakyarlwot's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Zakyarlwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat apples.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.