Dumkiknarlbep is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying newt.

Dumkiknarlbep created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumkiknarlbep, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dumkiknarlbep, she will turn you into a dog.

Dumkiknarlbep's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Dumkiknarlbep's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick hamsters.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics.