Wabpadgid is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, conceited squirrel.

Wabpadgid created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabpadgid, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Wabpadgid, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Wabpadgid's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Wabpadgid's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near squirrels.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Wabpadgid in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

5. Never talk about moons.