Cunflisvan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, vain chinchilla.

Cunflisvan created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cunflisvan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cunflisvan, he will destroy your favourite star.

Cunflisvan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cunflisvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to swans while wearing magenta stockings.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Feed all hungry eagles.

4. Retreat if eight seals approach from the east.

5. Do not shave your back.