Habstanlarg is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, compassionate coyote.

Habstanlarg created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Habstanlarg, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Habstanlarg, he will curse you with boils.

Habstanlarg's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Habstanlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from orange badgers, for they are unholy.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. You must love Habstanlarg.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not keep five geese in a large pit.