Sabkabgesstomlarnten is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, merciless raccoon.

Sabkabgesstomlarnten created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabkabgesstomlarnten, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Sabkabgesstomlarnten, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Sabkabgesstomlarnten's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Sabkabgesstomlarnten's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never write about photosynthesis.

3. Sabkabgesstomlarnten loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

4. You must pray to Sabkabgesstomlarnten seven times a day.

5. Do not listen to music.