Somtomfob Bondintitget is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, unthinking lizard.

Somtomfob Bondintitget created an atom three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somtomfob Bondintitget, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Somtomfob Bondintitget, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Somtomfob Bondintitget's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Somtomfob Bondintitget's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near swans while wearing black trousers and balancing four carbon spheres on your face.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Do not stand on grass.