Tapkentik is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, loving deer.

Tapkentik created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Tapkentik, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tapkentik, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tapkentik's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Tapkentik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five horses approach from the east.

2. Put Tapkentik first in all things.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Always obey Tapkentik's priests.

5. You must love Tapkentik.