Japfumbess is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, merciful lizard.

Japfumbess created the Sol system five million years ago.

If you believe in Japfumbess, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Japfumbess, she will turn you into a rock.

Japfumbess' most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Japfumbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always treat otters with great respect.

2. Always help cats in need.

3. Never skip in the presence of hamsters.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. You must never eat lemons.