Vonkveenwit is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, all-powerful faun.

Vonkveenwit created the universe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkveenwit, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonkveenwit, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonkveenwit's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Vonkveenwit's Holy Commandments

1. Vonkveenwit loves bats, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide from white seals for they are unholy.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

4. Vonkveenwit loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

5. Do not take Vonkveenwit's name in vain.