Vantikvonk is a god.
She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, pitiless
guinea pig.
Vantikvonk created bats seven quadrillion years ago.
If you believe in
Vantikvonk, she will give you the power of flight.
If you do not believe in
Vantikvonk, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.
Vantikvonk's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.
Vantikvonk's Holy Commandments1. Never talk about squirrels.
2. Never eat bark.
3. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.
4. Never think about chlorophyll.
5. Do not kill nematodes.