Tarpgamhab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, caring wolf.

Tarpgamhab created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpgamhab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tarpgamhab, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tarpgamhab's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tarpgamhab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat carrots.

2. You must never eat beans.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Hide from pink shrews for they are unholy.