Zanvigmapdut is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, temperamental clam.

Zanvigmapdut created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zanvigmapdut, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zanvigmapdut, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Zanvigmapdut's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Zanvigmapdut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about corn.

2. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Zanvigmapdut in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never think ill of sick doves.