Vonk Zantettidin is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, pitiless porpoise.

Vonk Zantettidin created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonk Zantettidin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Vonk Zantettidin, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Vonk Zantettidin's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Vonk Zantettidin's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Vonk Zantettidin's priests.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never paint your face fawn.

5. Feed all hungry sheep.