Vegwapsan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, benevolent manatee.

Vegwapsan created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vegwapsan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vegwapsan, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Vegwapsan's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Vegwapsan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Put Vegwapsan first in all things.

5. Retreat if four manatees approach from the north.