Zagvonkciss is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unfair badger.

Zagvonkciss created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagvonkciss, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zagvonkciss, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Zagvonkciss' most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Zagvonkciss' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Never write about chromosomes.