Lopnur is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, witty dragonfly.

Lopnur created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopnur, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lopnur, it will turn you into a tree.

Lopnur's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Lopnur's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick foxes.

2. You must never eat rice.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not dye your hair fawn.

5. Never eat figs.