Lopnurtbass is a god.

It takes the form of a large, awesome newt.

Lopnurtbass created the Sunflower Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopnurtbass, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lopnurtbass, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lopnurtbass' most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Lopnurtbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never go into violet rooms.

2. Never sit near cats.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Never look in ponds.