Quarttonkwik is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, dishonourable wasp.

Quarttonkwik created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Quarttonkwik, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quarttonkwik, it will be very sad.

Quarttonkwik's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Quarttonkwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

2. Quarttonkwik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not speak about tomatoes.

4. Never feed melons to grasshopers while wearing turquoise jumpers.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.