Hotrutnad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, unthoughtful lizard.

Hotrutnad created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotrutnad, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hotrutnad, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hotrutnad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hotrutnad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Hotrutnad's name in vain.

2. Never feed lentils to mites while wearing boots.

3. Never talk about enzymes.

4. Do not kill goats.

5. Never hurt voles.