Vanfebpom is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, caring troll.

Vanfebpom created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanfebpom, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vanfebpom, he will turn you into a puffin.

Vanfebpom's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Vanfebpom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from magenta sharks for they are unholy.

2. Always treat gulls with great respect.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Vanfebpom.

4. Always help doves.

5. Always stare at clouds.