Kabparkponveg is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, ill-tempered crane.

Kabparkponveg created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Kabparkponveg, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kabparkponveg, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kabparkponveg's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Kabparkponveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never write about nucleic acids.

3. Always treat snakes with great respect.

4. Do not speak about peanuts.

5. Pray towards the east.