Lampakbemlatlaklen is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, weak camel.

Lampakbemlatlaklen created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lampakbemlatlaklen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lampakbemlatlaklen, she will curse you with boils.

Lampakbemlatlaklen's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Lampakbemlatlaklen's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always help sick pigs.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. Never play with disobedient children.