Tofgidgum is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless giraffe.

Tofgidgum created the world six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofgidgum, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tofgidgum, she will turn you into a plant.

Tofgidgum's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tofgidgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nucleic acids.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.