Benpannad is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, passionate lizard.

Benpannad created light five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Benpannad, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Benpannad, it will cry a lot.

Benpannad's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Benpannad's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Put Benpannad first in all things.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near eagles while wearing violet scarves and balancing eight silver spheres on your neck.

5. Never talk about fire.