Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless troll.

Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must never eat grapes.

5. Quafvinquartmilstragbimvid must be the most important thing in your life.