Tomwiphon Vanvoltag is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, annoying bat.

Tomwiphon Vanvoltag created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomwiphon Vanvoltag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tomwiphon Vanvoltag, she will make you grow a tail.

Tomwiphon Vanvoltag's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Tomwiphon Vanvoltag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear carbon on your body.

2. You must never eat oranges.

3. Never eat coconuts.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.