Quamquatkennibarmmet is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, witless hyena.

Quamquatkennibarmmet created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamquatkennibarmmet, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quamquatkennibarmmet, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quamquatkennibarmmet's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Quamquatkennibarmmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Never sit near tapirs.

3. Never talk about snakes.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.