Nartail is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, intelligent bat.

Nartail created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartail, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nartail, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Nartail's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Nartail's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not take Nartail's name in vain.

5. Always look after injured sharks.