Rapcumhen is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ruthless rat.

Rapcumhen created vertebrates eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rapcumhen, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Rapcumhen, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Rapcumhen's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Rapcumhen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

2. Never feed strawberries to dolphins while wearing rings.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Always help snails.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.