Zakfedtarp is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonest wyrm.

Zakfedtarp created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakfedtarp, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zakfedtarp, she will come to you in dreams.

Zakfedtarp's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Zakfedtarp's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat tomatoes.

2. Retreat if five turtles approach from the east.

3. Run away from turquoise pigs, for they are unholy.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not shave your hands.