Lanwotkam is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, prudent penguin.

Lanwotkam created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lanwotkam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lanwotkam, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lanwotkam's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Lanwotkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never wear gray skirts.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.