Tapkemrig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, passionate cow.

Tapkemrig created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapkemrig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tapkemrig, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tapkemrig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tapkemrig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick manatees.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics.

3. Always treat snakes with great respect.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always help capybaras.