Quagvenraw is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, dishonourable walrus.

Quagvenraw created the planet Earth two years ago.

If you believe in Quagvenraw, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Quagvenraw, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Quagvenraw's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Quagvenraw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat aubergines.

2. Quagvenraw loves goats, so they must be respected.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Quagvenraw in the centre of the settlement.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.