Nilartfom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, stupid mink.

Nilartfom created the Whirlpool Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nilartfom, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nilartfom, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nilartfom's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Nilartfom's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Nilartfom.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never eat carrots.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away if three doves approach from the north.