Flamquamapp Yatmintif is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, overgenerous swallow.

Flamquamapp Yatmintif created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Flamquamapp Yatmintif, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flamquamapp Yatmintif, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Flamquamapp Yatmintif's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Flamquamapp Yatmintif's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Flamquamapp Yatmintif loves doves, so they must be honoured.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Swans are not to be trusted.