Bessortvin is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, sapient mole.

Bessortvin created a Higgs boson three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessortvin, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bessortvin, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Bessortvin's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bessortvin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lentils.

2. Never eat gooseberries.

3. Never sprint near seals.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bessortvin.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bessortvin.