Pintalnarl is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, effective mole.

Pintalnarl created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pintalnarl, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pintalnarl, she will turn you into a tree.

Pintalnarl's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Pintalnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to great tits while wearing jumpers.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never sing near tapirs.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pintalnarl.