Bapkinveen Somnullmip is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, cheerful bird.

Bapkinveen Somnullmip created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapkinveen Somnullmip, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bapkinveen Somnullmip, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bapkinveen Somnullmip's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bapkinveen Somnullmip's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nucleic acids.

2. Never sit in the presence of seals.

3. Run away if three tapirs approach from the south.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help sick geese.