Vanbunjop is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, humorless spider.

Vanbunjop created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbunjop, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vanbunjop, it will turn you into a puffin.

Vanbunjop's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vanbunjop's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.