Wipgemfat is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, uncaring centaur.

Wipgemfat created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wipgemfat, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Wipgemfat, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Wipgemfat's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Wipgemfat's Holy Commandments

1. Wipgemfat loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.