Tofsiddim is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, fast ant.

Tofsiddim created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofsiddim, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tofsiddim, she will turn you into a rock.

Tofsiddim's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tofsiddim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear trousers.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Retreat if five birds approach from the south.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.